Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Results Are In!

Well after many weeks of hounding the doctors office I was able to get a call back about my test results. She said that is didn't show anything new. So although I'm not real healthy, they did not find any type of cancer in my scans. So that is great news!!! :-) It's a load off my shoulders.
I want to thank everyone with my deepest gratitude for all the many prayers that have gone out on my behalf and for my family. I can't tell you how much love and support I have felt from everyone over the last couple of weeks. The only thing they did confirm was that the arthritis had spread into my jaw. So now it's in my feet, knees, entire back, neck, hands and jaw. So that was disappointing to know that it's spreading. I went through the flu this past week and was unable to sleep for 4 days cause the pain was so intense. The flu virus settles into the arthritic spots and just attacks them. It hurt SOOOO bad. :-( But I'm recovering now so I'll be alright. Just wanted to let everything know the results and thank everyone for all the prayers. They clearly worked!!! :-)

Sunday, July 15, 2012

No news is good news???

I'm sorry I haven't updated everyone on the results of my tests... it's because I don't know anything right now. I'm hoping that no news is good news.

I had the chest scan, blood work and urine test. I haven't heard anything on the results from those tests, but I did go to the dermatologist and my doctor did my head to toe scan to check for any moles that look cancerous. She found 5 that looked like pre-cancer, but she didn't see anything that looked like it was full blown melanoma. She has to cut them all out with a little outpatient surgery because they did look like the pre-cancer moles. If they leave them then it would eventually become melanoma cancer. With the medications I'm on that could happen faster than it would for someone else. So although she didn't feel that it was what would be causing my symptoms, she still wants to get them out pretty quickly so i don't take the chance.

Anyways, that's my only update. Oh and I have been working really hard at gaining some weight and keeping it on. I've managed 8 pounds!! Yeah! It's really hard for me to be happy about gaining weight. I know I needed to, but my brain does not work that way. A woman trying to GAIN weight..... it just feels wrong. haha.

I'll call my doctor on Monday and get some answers from my results.

Once that's all done with then I plan on posting some more uplifting messages. I have one in the works about a really neat class I went to that taught some amazing messages.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

My dr appt today....

So I'm trying really hard to keep this updated as I've promised to do!! :-)

I went in to get my IV infusion today and talked to my doctor before I went back to sit in my comfy big recliner and get poked with big needles and IV bags. I actually really love my nurse. It's not as bad as it sounds. It's painful with the needles and it's painful for me to sit in one spot for 3 hours because I get so stiff, but my nurse (Mary---- love you girl!) is so great!!! She gets me all hooked up and then she sits and chats with me for a bit, she props my legs up and gets me pillows and blankets to make sure I'm as comfortable as I can possibly be, she gets me a little portable dvd player so I can watch a movie since I have to sit there for 3 hours. I do get sick sometimes while I'm sitting there. There are times I have to move the movie to the side and throw up in my bowl, or my blood pressure (that they take every 15 minutes) will drop to low, but for the most part I can make it through pretty well. My grandmother was on dialysis for like 15 years before she passed away, and she use to say that it was her little vacation. She got to go sit with her friends and chat for a few hours a couple times a week. I never understood how in the world dialysis could be a little getaway, but she was a mother of 5.....  and as sad as it may be..... I don't mind infusion days. I've been able to go pick out a movie or a good book, and get my comfy clothes on. I look forward to chatting with my nurse and getting a few hours to myself. There is a silver lining to every dark cloud. :)

Ok, so anyways.... I went in for my infusion, met with my doctor and told him what was going on. He actually brought it up first when he say the drastic change in my weight since my last appointment about 5 weeks ago. After he went through a large list of questions and I told him everything going on. He did a quick examination and then told me they couldn't allow me to do the IV infusion because if I did it while I was sick it could make me even more sick. So anyways, they decided to order me a ton of fun tests. I got a couple of them done today, I do another tomorrow morning, and finish them up next week. Once I get those all done, they will be able to get me the results and we can see what's going on.

So there is my update for the day. :-)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Sorry it's been so long.....

So recently I've had a lot of people come up to me and say "I keep checking your blog and there is nothing on there." So I basically have been doing a terrible job keeping my friends and family updated and what's going on with me. I'm really sorry about that. So I'm going to do my best to sum up the last few months in a blog post. :-)

So I actually started to feel pretty good. The pain is always there, but it was lessening. I decided to change my attitude about things. I've always tried to be positive, but truthfully, I was being really positive for everyone except myself. Inside I was pretty depressed and it was starting to eat me up. I was crying every day. I was so tired all the time and I was just starting to feel like I would never feel better and I was letting the negative thoughts take me over. To everyone else though I was doing great and positive and just so amazing. lol. So anyways, I decided to change my attitude and of course it's true what they say, emotions really do affect physical health. I started to feel better and got a ton of energy. I even joined a gym and got a personal trainer! I know right?!?! Are you kidding! My dr was actually really mad at me. She said "I will give you a note to get out of there. Your muscles can not handle a trainer at the gym." haha. So I talked to my trainer and he's being really great. He's working with me on stretching, and building muscle. He takes it easy on me on my bad days and pushes me a little on the good days. They have a great childcare play area. My kids absolutely love it there. It gives me a nice little break where I know they are having a great time together, and I've really been enjoying it and feeling stronger.

Nothing lasts forever though. We can't have the good times without going through the bad, and sometimes we just have to go through the roller coaster of life.

I got really sick a few weeks back. I couldn't keep food or water down for about 7 days straight and I lost 18 pounds in one week. I never really went to the dr other than urgent care to get some fluids. I'm so stubborn and so tired of going to the doctors. So I never really figured out what was wrong with me that week. Slowly I was able to start eating again and things got back to being fairly normal. Then the exhaustion started. I was so tired all the time, the pain started to get bad again. The disease spread into my hands. They got so swollen and stiff that I couldn't even use them and had them bandaged up 24/7. The slightest touch (my kids wanting to hold my hand) made me cry out in pain. That's when the weight problems started. I was eating normally and eating way to late at night and plenty of ice cream. So a normal person should have been gaining weight or at least maintaining and I've always struggled with my weight. I struggle to lose weight. But I couldn't stop losing. There was no reason for it and yet I just couldn't stop. I was dropping like 3 pounds a day. I've lost 40 pounds in 2 months and it doesn't appear to be stopping. At first I was glad to have gotten some of the baby weight off, but that was 20 pounds ago. I haven't been this weight since jr high. My clothes are covered in safety pins trying to hold my pants up and my shirts on my shoulders. That's when I noticed several new moles and some that don't look good. My lympnodes are swollen, my mouth has filled with sores. Probably 15 at one time. Very painful.
If you remember 2 years ago when all this started I saw my dermatologist and they found melanoma cancer in one of my moles on my back. It was early stages and they were able to do a small surgery and remove it all. Then I was warned that with the chemo and IV infusions for the psoriatic arthritis that I was at a huge risk to get the melanoma cancer back and that by the time I had symptoms of it that I would probably be too far gone. The chemo and IV infusions speed up cancer by 100%. A normal person might have stage one cancer for a year and I would be in stage 4 after a month. It was very scary to start the medications with risks like that, but I didn't feel that I had any other choice because of the pain and deterioration of my muscles. I didn't want to be paralyzed either.
So basically this is where I'm at currently. I'm going into my rumatologist tomorrow (thurs) for my IV infusion so I'll talk to my dr then and she'll do blood work to check my white cells and all that. Then I'll make the appointment with my dermatologist so she can look me over head to toe and see if there is anything suspicious.

I'm scared to death of course. I'll post updates as i get them. Thank you to everyone for all your love and support! The meals that everyone brings in to my family on my chemo day have been so helpful and we are so unbelievable grateful to all of you. Those that have offered to clean my house and take me to the doctors appointment and offer child care... it's just been so amazing and so helpful. I have a good friend that lives a couple blocks away that has kids that my kids just adore. She babysits for me for almost every dr appointment, my 3 hour IV infusions, and much more. She is truly amazing and my gratitude knows no bounds.

Thank you to everyone! I love you all so much! Everything is going to be ok. :-) Whatever happens, I am comfortable with it being God's will.