So I was having a really awful day today. Just feeling all around totally worthless and like my kids and husband would be better off without me. I know... I went to a dark place. But it happens. I'm sure I'll get over it.
Anyways.... happier things.
So I'm totally miserable and my kids are all in bed and my husband is out at a scout thing and I'm sweeping the floor when suddenly my doorbell rings over and over and I walk to the door and open it wondering who it might be, and my front door is covered in hearts and there are hearts trailing my walkway and a plate of cookies on my door step. The hearts all said really nice things around how loved I am and how great I am and not to die because I'd just been heart-attacked. I just totally broke down in tears in the front of my house. My neighbors probably think I'm crazy.
But really.... whoever did it.... thank you so much. I can't tell you how much it lifted my spirits and how special it made me feel on a day when I didn't think that was possible. Thank you so so much!!! I plan to leave them there for a really long time so that I can smile every time I leave the house and come home.
Thank you thank you!! I have no idea who it was (I did see a couple of bodies running away from my house, but I couldn't tell who it was). So whoever it was.... you have no idea what this act of kindness did for me today. Thank you. I love you!!! Whoever did this.. .I love you so much!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Blackout...
I've been having trouble the last several days. It appears that something else is wrong with me now. Or rather, a possible effect from a treatment I had has gone bad. I had two more of those outpatient surgeries the past couple weeks. They did the epidural injections to help with the pain from the arthritis erosion's that are eating away at my muscle. A few days after the epidural injections I start having these really awful symptoms. For awhile I thought I was just getting the flu, but as the symptoms have gotten worse... that no longer appears to be the case.
It started with head rushes. I would feel these head rushes that would go through my head and make me really dizzy. Then I started getting really bad headaches and my ears started ringing. Then I started getting really sick to my stomach. I was throwing up regularly (on non-chemo days & chemo days) and I was just so sick to my stomach that I could hardly stand up. Then I started getting really weak. I was just so weak all over that standing and walking or moving at all was becoming a huge chore and took so much effort that I was out of breath and clinging to the counter just walking from the couch to the kitchen.
Then the scary stuff started to happen. When a head rush would hit, I started blacking out. Not passing out, but my vision would go black and I would struggle to get get my vision back. It would come back in spots and then it would come all the way. The head rushes started to spread into a numbing tingly rush that goes all the way from my head, down my shoulders and spine and into my arms and hands. When the numb tingling happens I lose all strength in my arms. I was carrying Emma down the stairs and it happened and I dropped her. My arm just gave out. She was fine, it wasn't a long fall or anything, but still.... the chance that I could black out while driving or something. It's really scary.
So this morning I woke up and I was so weak and my head was rushing and the blackouts were happening frequently. My heart and pulse were racing really fast. I could hardly catch my breath and it just wasn't' pretty. So I called my doctor and they of course fit me in right away. I talked to my regular doctor and he called the doctor that performed my epidural procedure. Then that doctor decided he wanted to see me right away. I guess there is chance of something not being sterile and getting a blood infection, or maybe they did something wrong and bruised the spinal cord. I dunno. There are different possibilities.
So Adam is on his way home from work and I'm going to head over to that other doctor asap to see if they can figure it out.
I don't want to drive with my kids in the car. That's why I'm waiting till Adam gets home. I don't want to take the chance that I black out while driving.
So anyways, there is my latest update in the drama of my health. :-P
But hey, it could always get worse..... well, maybe I shouldn't say that. I might jinx myself.
It started with head rushes. I would feel these head rushes that would go through my head and make me really dizzy. Then I started getting really bad headaches and my ears started ringing. Then I started getting really sick to my stomach. I was throwing up regularly (on non-chemo days & chemo days) and I was just so sick to my stomach that I could hardly stand up. Then I started getting really weak. I was just so weak all over that standing and walking or moving at all was becoming a huge chore and took so much effort that I was out of breath and clinging to the counter just walking from the couch to the kitchen.
Then the scary stuff started to happen. When a head rush would hit, I started blacking out. Not passing out, but my vision would go black and I would struggle to get get my vision back. It would come back in spots and then it would come all the way. The head rushes started to spread into a numbing tingly rush that goes all the way from my head, down my shoulders and spine and into my arms and hands. When the numb tingling happens I lose all strength in my arms. I was carrying Emma down the stairs and it happened and I dropped her. My arm just gave out. She was fine, it wasn't a long fall or anything, but still.... the chance that I could black out while driving or something. It's really scary.
So this morning I woke up and I was so weak and my head was rushing and the blackouts were happening frequently. My heart and pulse were racing really fast. I could hardly catch my breath and it just wasn't' pretty. So I called my doctor and they of course fit me in right away. I talked to my regular doctor and he called the doctor that performed my epidural procedure. Then that doctor decided he wanted to see me right away. I guess there is chance of something not being sterile and getting a blood infection, or maybe they did something wrong and bruised the spinal cord. I dunno. There are different possibilities.
So Adam is on his way home from work and I'm going to head over to that other doctor asap to see if they can figure it out.
I don't want to drive with my kids in the car. That's why I'm waiting till Adam gets home. I don't want to take the chance that I black out while driving.
So anyways, there is my latest update in the drama of my health. :-P
But hey, it could always get worse..... well, maybe I shouldn't say that. I might jinx myself.
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