Sunday, December 11, 2011

The simple things....

Ok, so tonight I realized how much I miss doing the simple things. I wanted to have a piece of cheesecake and I wanted to warm up the jar of fudge I have in the fridge, to drizzle on top. I cut the pie, and went to open the jar. I tried and tried and tried, and the more I tried to open the jar the weaker I got and finally I just gave up. It was so sad. Like dangling a delicious carrot and never giving it to the horse.
This is not the first time something like this has happened. Happens frequently with jars, and a week or so ago my daughter was crying for a bottle and I couldn't open the bottle to refill the milk. She cried and cried and ended up crying herself to sleep and all because I couldn't do the simple act of opening her bottle to refill it.
The more I try and the weaker I get..... then my hand will sometimes lock in the position of trying to open something and the fingers will get all scrunched up and I have to stick my hand in ice to try and loosen things up.

So anyways, the point of this post is to remind myself and everyone not to forget about the little things. Sure there are things we all take for granted like opening a jar, or buttoning a button. But there are other things that we need to remember to find joy in.
A child's smile or laugh.
The sweet "I love you" from someone special.
A beautiful sunset.
A star filled sky
Time spent with a good friend.
Disposable diapers instead of cloth.
A washing machine.
A microwave.
The minivan.
The smell of an old bookstore.
A hot bubble bath.
Baking on a stormy day.
Letters to Santa.
Answered prayers & unanswered prayers.

These are a few of my favorite things. :-)

Never forget to be grateful for the small things. Find joy life a small child does. They find joy in the smallest most simplest things. A balloon, a sticker, a Christmas tree, dancing to music, reading a story, a yummy treat, taking a trip, a puppy. Such small simple things, and so much joy they find. We can do that too if we take a step back from the busy day to day and count all our many blessings, and see God's hands in the simple things in life.

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 2, 2011


I went into the doctor early this morning. They were able to get me in early for the ultrasound. They saw "residual tissue" from the fetus. They thought I had been about 12 weeks along. They were concerned that it had been so long since the miscarriage and worried about infection. They went ahead and put me in another room... since I had driven myself and didn't have anyone with me they were unable to "put me out"... they just numbed the cervical area and gave me a shot of something to relax me. It went pretty quickly. They gave me a few minutes to feel comfortable driving and to stop crying. It seemed so simple and so easy and so routine for everyone around me.... for me.... it was awful. It was the most awful thing to know they were removing the rest of my baby. There aren't' words to express how difficult this morning was. I feel numb and guilty and depressed and sick and yet I know that I should feel grateful and feel blessed and I am those things.... I didn't have to terminate the pregnancy but still.... it's just really hard. Really confusing. It just feels so wrong.
When I got home I couldn't' stop crying no matter how hard I tried, and my sweet baby girl (Emma) came over and gave me a big hug and stroked my hair and kept saying "it's ok momma. it's ok." and I knew that she learned that from me because whenever she is hurt I hold her and stroke her hair and say "it's ok sweet girl, it's ok." Then my sweet boy pushed a chair over to where we keep the tissues and climbed up to get one. 'he brought it over to me and kissed my cheek and wiped my tears with a tissue. Hailey kept smiling at me and came to sit in my lap and cuddle. I have such amazing children. They are so special to me and I am so grateful that they have learned such sweetness. It reminds me that they pick up all our behaviors and that we need to be careful of our bad behaviors cause they will pick that up too.
I know that the baby I lost would have been just as amazing as my current children. Someday I will have the chance to raise him or her and to witness his or her special nature. I will look forward to that day and cherish everyday spent with the children here with me now.