Humbling myself enough to pray...

As I have struggled over the past year and a half with this disease... well it's been difficult. There has been a lot of bad, and a lot of learning. So much learning. I believe strongly that all of our trials come to us to help us learn or to help humble us. I believe this disease was given to me for the same reason. I've learned a lot and humbled myself in many ways since this all started. However, i think I've relied too much on medical practice. I believe medical practice is guided by God's hand but it can't be the only thing i rely on through this process.

When I have been given blessings from my husband, bishop, and grandfather throughout this illness they have all said roughly the same thing. When that happens its such a faith builder to know that the blessing is truly my Father-in-Heaven talking to me and not just the person giving me a blessing. The thing that my Father in Heaven always tells me is that I need to humble myself on my knees to pray and ask for help.

It's stupid but when I'm saying prayers with the family or around the dinner table, I always pray for each and every person individually but I never feel comfortable praying for myself. I feel guilty and selfish praying for myself. I think my Heavenly Father is telling me to stop that. He wants us to ask for help for ourselves.

I have been having a flare up and it's been really painful and difficult and this morning I was crying in pain and was just so frustrated that the radio frequency ablation hadn't worked when I had been so sure it would. As I sat there crying the words of all my blessings came flooding back to me. Over and over again I kept remembering "humble yourself enough to get on your knees and ask for help." It took a moment for me to do it but I dropped to my knees and I started to pray. I prayed hard and I begged for help in taking my pain away. I didn't ask for a cure or for it to be gone forever. I just asked for the strength to get through it and to lessen it enough that I could get through the day. And if I need to drop to my knees and humble myself enough to ask for help EVERYDAY then that is exactly what I should be doing. It's what my Heavenly Father asked me to do.

The moment I said "amen" my little boy came in the room and asked me why I was crying. I told him in children's terms that Heavenly Father asked mommy to ask him for help when I needed it and that I hadn't been doing what he asked, but that I was doing it now and that it was happy tears. He gave me a hug and said "did it work mommy? Did Heavenly Father help you?" and in that moment I realized that I wasn't hunched over anymore. I had not taken any pain medicine in several hours so I knew it wasn't that. But suddenly in that moment of asking for help to when my son came in the room.....the pain was gone. It didn't stay gone....but I got through the day. It was lessened enough that I was able to get things done, play with my kids, and actually enjoy the day.

I have such a strong testimony of the power of the priesthood and the gift that has been given to us to be able to receive blessings of healing and comfort. I have a testimony of the power of prayer. That if we can just humble ourselves before our father and ask for the things that we need in humility that he will bless us with those things that we need. That he will never give us more than we can handle. That if he gives us a trial that he will deliver us through it and that we have to stop thinking that we need to do everything by ourselves. He is there to walk with us, to hold us up and when we need it...he is there to carry us through it.

You better believe that I will never forget to say my prayers and ask for help when I need it again.