updates....

I've had a few people asking me for updates on what's going on. I don't have much of one. I had my IV infusion yesterday for the psoriatic arthritis. I was really sick last night. Head in the toilet, laying on the freshly cleaned bathroom floor (thanks to my husband). This morning I'm in a lot of pain. For whatever reason my back is just hurting so bad that I'm in tears this morning. Hopefully it will get a little better as the day progresses.

I have my CT scan scheduled for this afternoon. With it being Friday and the person doing the scan not able to say anything, I'm not expecting to hear any news until next week. Then I'll have to schedule the appointments with all the specialists.

I'm doing my best to stay as positive as I can. I'm living every second I can with my children. I can't do as much as I wish I could, but we do a lot of puzzles, games, playing toys, arts and crafts, etc. I'm just trying to make sure my kids have the best memories of me now. If this turns out to be something really bad then I will fight my butt off, but that's going to take alot out of me and I'm hating that my kids will have to watch me be even more sick than I have been already. They don't deserve this. And if I were to lose the fight and my children have to grow up without me.....well I at least want to make good memories with them now. Take lots of pictures... since they are too young to probably remember me and how much I love them. The idea of not being there for all the major events in their lives, and even all the little every day ones. .... well, I can't really think about that. It's not something I'm prepared to deal with yet. And I shouldn't .... not until I know the exact details of what's going on. But of course those thoughts still creep into my head.

I did cry last night finally. And I cried and I cried and I cried for hours. Wasn't sure I was going to be able to breathe again. But I'm here this morning. Still kickin. Eyes are puffy, but I just have to get back to it.

There is a lot of day to day stuff that needs to get done and I need to do it.

Lets just keep our heads held high and get through this thing best we can! :-)