Faucet Injection #2

Today was my second faucet injection/medial block branch (I think I spelled those right). My husband wanted to take me to the appointment (he took me to the first one) but we couldn't find anyone to babysit the kids and we couldn't take them anywhere cause it fell right during nap time and my youngest is sick. Anyways, I was very blessed cause my visiting teacher and friend was able to take me to my appointment while Adam stayed home with the kids.

I got to see my inst-family in the waiting room. It's so nice to visit with all the people in the waiting room that know exactly what you're going through. There was an older man that has been doing all sorts of spinal treatments for a decade or more. Then there were others who were there for the first time. I actually got to give them advice since this was my second time. It was nice. We would all sit in our chairs with our IVs hooked up and wish each other luck and check on how each other did afterwards. It's amazing to have that support from total strangers from the moment you meet.

This treatment was far more painful than the last. The needles went into a different part of my spine and were also successful! Last week the pain in my back disappeared but my knees and feet still hurt. This week my back still hurts but the pain in my feet and knees went away. So I mark it as a success! They will likely go in and burn the nerves in both areas they treated this week and last.

The doctor told me that last time my tolerance to the pain medicine was amazing to him so this time he doubled + my dose of the twilight medicine. I was totally awake through the whole thing. I was answering questions and talking and i remember everything just fine. It was also very painful. The doctor felt bad but told me he could not believe my tolerance for the medicine. He said that when they actually burn the nerves it will be 10 times more painful than this was so he is putting a note in my file to quadruple the medicine he gives most people. Hopefully that will work! If not I'll just have to live through 20 minutes of hell for 6 months of relief. Absolutely worth it in my opinion.

My little boy looked at my back all bandaged up from the treatment today and kissed it and gave me a big hug and said "mommy....I don't want you to be sick anymore. My kisses can make it all better, can't they? Just like you kiss my owies and make them all better. I don't want you to be sick anymore mommy. Please don't be sick anymore."

Once again....I started balling. It's not fair that my baby has to feel like he has to grow up so quickly. I HATE this disease. I HATE it! I feel so angry sometimes that I am so young and going through this. I try to stay positive but when my baby says things like that and I can't wave that magical mommy wand and make it better for him.....it's not fair. But I HAVE to keep a smile on my face. I HAVE to make this ok for him...for all 3 of them, for my husband, who I know is suffering cause of all this even though he stays so positive.

I am SO determined to be positive and even more than that I am SO determined to beat this! I know that there is no cure, i know that the chemo and the IV treatments are something I will just have to deal with but I can do that. It's the pain.....the pain is what is killing me. The pain is what I can beat! And I WILL! I have to.